Sometimes I am led to believe I have the strangest thought pattern. Not only that, some of the strangest points of empathy, sympathy, and all the -pathys. It's just really plagued my mind lately. Sometimes it really makes me wonder if I am really normal in the head, or do other people think this way, and visualize the same thoughts.
What's been going on in my mind lately, just strange thoughts that is the best way to describe them. One of the thoughts that has been running in my mind has been, what someone's last conscious thought must be like. I recently saw a video of a kid in Europe hanging himself and it made me think what those final moments must be like, and what it is like seeing anything for the last time. This ked was face first into a wall as he hung himself. I also saw the one where the guy from Pennsylvania killed himself in public. I just wonder what it is like. There is no intention from me to see that, I believe life is way too valuable, but I wonder. Especially since my grandfather passed in April, I wonder what the last thing he saw. He passed away in his sleep, and that is the most peaceful way to go, but also the scariest because it comes on without notice. It's the most peaceful though. The day I go, I don't want to know about it, I want to just go. Some 70 years from now, I hope I just one night fall asleep, and pass, and leave with a smile on my face.
I also have been thinking about other peoples perspectives. What they see, and what they may feel. It is something that I have found interesting. I know we are all not alike, and we all have different feelings and personal image, but I always wonder if people are content with how they are. When they look at other people, do wonder what it must be like, and wonder what they have seen. It is perplexing to me. It really is.
Lets digress away from this, and go somewhere else for a while.
Going to be writing a paper for my English class about the current recession and who caused it, I will post it here because it is tied into what I a, writing about here. I have a general idea about where the paper is going to for, I hate having to point the finger, but it needs to be done. I'm tired of people pointing the finger in teh wrong direction. If we can't find teh right cause, and fix it, then we are just a time bomb waiting to explode again. It's just a college students paper, so it can't be taken seriously of course.
The day of me moving to Flagstaff is getting close. I have been narrowing down the window of when I am going to move. I am currently looking by the first weekend of January, not the weekend of the first through the third. Rather the following weekend to move up there. I am going up to Flagstaff to look at housing and other stuff sometime around the first week of Nov, it's a campus tour thing I have to check out, but not sure on the date. Living on my own, and getting ready to learn how to fly. Good stuff!
This semester has been better than ones past. There are actually girls in my classes that are worth trying to go after, and in every one of my classes. Compared to years past this is a breath of fresh air. Unfortunately my pen trembles in my hand when I think about trying to write one of them in this story. Why? My moving out of town, and I haven't had much luck with the Phoenix-Flagstaff LDR kind of thing. Maybe a second chance will make that much of a difference.
Note on the band progress. Once again trying to line something up with my brother. He says he is in contact with a bass player, and a drummer. So if this works, this could be the direction to go. I know how to work out on the scene, so already this band could have a jump start on things. Kind of like how 88FL lead into Rise Against. It's jsut one of those lets wait and see kind of things.
That's all I have for now. I will be getting back to writing more, just because I feel as though I have been slacking these past few weeks. That's all.-SS
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