Because This Exists

I figure in the down time I should start writing random personal shit again. I have been thrown into a lot of public spot light recently and haven't really had a chance say what I want to. I should just keep quiet sometimes, however, that is not the case.

There is a lot that I want to say.

Yellow Journalism Much?

New political commentary blog is up, and running...

http://theliberalblogger90.blogspot.com/

I'll be posting the political stuff there, and try to keep this blog to a personal blog, an shit talking blog, just for you all to enjoy!

Ten Years Since Yesterday

Today, we look to the future, while we look the past in the eye. The worst thing we can do is forget. Sometimes our memory is the most precious thing we have, at the end of the day that is all we truly wind up as. Putting up a mental block and try to move on in this case will be something that will do one no good. Keeping these things in our mind, and in our hearts are the best we can do. Moving on and forgetting will do no justice to those who lost their lives.

On the morning of September 11, 2001 I was all of eleven years old. I was just a kid that really couldn't tell you anything about who Osama Bin Laden was, or what Al-Quadea was. I was a typical kid, played baseball, and obsessed with the sport. No real knowledge to anything going on around him. That morning I awoke into a very dark reality, and really became conscious of what was going on in the world. No kid at eleven years old should be so aware of the world around them. All of a sudden I was thrown into this mess, and now was living in fear because of what happened. I sit here as a 21 year old, and that fear that started that still lingers over my head.

My opinion on the event stands at this. Now that I have grown up, I feel more empathy for those who were killed. I am also angered that this happened. What it has made is disgusts me on so many levels. We fell into this state of fear, and never left, we started our own religious war on this country, racism is so strong, and the sad thing it is only on this day we seem to stand united. Ten years ago, the downfall of our country started. I hate saying that, but that is what is going on.

We stand ten years apart from this disaster, but as a country we stand the same distance apart. We let this one event change us in so many negative ways. The 2,977 people that lost their lives ten years ago today would be so angered to see what we have become. We should as Americans should not be this way.

I really don't know what to say. This has kind of left me frustrated looking back at this now.

Enough is Enough

"If you're not angry, you aren't paying attention."-Tim McIlrath of Rise Against

I have been paying attention to politics for the most part since I was 14, but have really started to form my opinion around when I was say 17, or 18, and it continues to evolve. I have some very staunch beliefs, some would be considered radical, but I believe that my radical stance is where we need to go. For the past decade the United States has been dragged right, many political charts will show that, and many will agree, and going further, and further right will not solve anything. Believe it or not, Christians, Jesus was a liberal, he was about helping the poor and needy, and not focusing on the rich. This country has been heading to a upper class rule since the Regan days.

To say there will be a revolution is nuts. I keep hoping for a revolution, but it never comes. It just never happens. A change is started with an idea, that idea has to catch fire and spread. This isn't something that happens over night. This idea that starts out as a tiny spark as someone speaking out will smolder for years until the time is right. This fire will not lead to a revolution, but a change collective ideas. Change the hearts, change the minds of the people. How to do this, you have to show the true downside of right wing politics, and what it can lead to. Totalitarianism, dictatorships, true dark ideas and government.

We are a country of 300 million people, we are a country of people that does not have a majority living lavishly, popular to world wide belief. We are all living on the fringe, most Americans live "comfortably," but that isn't saying much. There are more that live paycheck to paycheck and never really can live life to the fullest, they work 9-5 every day, and function of crappy amounts of sleep, and just live s discontented, but are lead to believe that this is okay. It shouldn't be this way. Our founding fathers would have a fit if they saw how we have gone so many miles backwards where a weird monarchy where the rich influence government so much that we the people really have no say.

Republicans and Democrats are both corrupt, but there is one side that is the lesser of the two evils. Now if the left would plant their feet firmly to the left, we would be a lot better. Here is what I believe in. We are all created equal, there is no one above anyone. Black, white, brown, yellow, purple, we are all the same. Same goes with religion, I have made myself somewhere on the line of agnostic, and atheist because I don't see proof for, or against the reality of god. So in other words, I don't care about if you are Jew, Arabic, Catholic, Christian, Buddhist, or whatever. We are all the same when you look at it. Same goes for gay rights. I don't care what you like, as Robin Williams said "at the end of the day with married couples it is always the same sex." So there.

One part that frustrates me more than anything is the fact these people, these "Tea Partiers," want to run the country on a Constitutional basis when they don't even follow it. They want smaller government, but then when it comes to women, and gay rights they believe that abortion should be illegal, and gay people should not be married. Before you even get out of the First Amendment these wackos can't keep to their beliefs. The only reason why they stand against those two issues is because it is said in the Bible that those are wrong, that breaks the separation of church and state. Need I say any more. The fact that they deny the existence of global warming when there is overwhelming evidence for it. It is disgusting.

This is just part one of a few posts I'm going to make like this. So there is more to come. I don't want to start half-assing what I have to say because I have said a lot so far.

Now We're All Gone

My mind is constantly running, sometimes I fear that that is a bad thing. I guess it is a good thing to be thinking. Although, sometimes these thoughts just don't make sense. They sometimes seem to escape me before I get the chance to verbalize what is going on in my mind, sometimes it is really interesting. That is kind of what happened earlier. I was thinking about something that I wanted to speak about, but it disappeared as fast as it came.

It went something like this. I think..

The misconception of what happens in a music scene. There are such things as dead scenes, and I was in a band that was trudging through a dead scene. This time I am in a band that has found the scene, and we are slowly, but surely becoming a name for ourselves. It may not be much, but it is starting to grow. It feels as if we are standing on thin ice, and about to break through. We're going to be heading into the studio in about 4 or 5 weeks to record this fucking record finally. I know I have said this before, but this time it is happening. Anyway... With this scene that I am starting to find, scattered yes, but unified strangely. Now there are some down things that I have come to notice, it is kind of weird.

Here is the anomaly. There are a few bands that get frequent radio play on a independent station KWSS often, now I am not saying that it is the stations fault, or problem, but they just happen to be the ones playing these bands. What is going on seems to be is that these bands have formed this weird friend circle, and are really stubborn to let new people in that are in bands, even if you show to be friendly, they shun you quickly. Now I will not name names, but I have noticed this over the past six weeks. It is very unsettling that bands are playing like this. They are non-factors competition wise in getting anywhere, but still. I have been trying to preach unity among the music scene out among the all the alt rock bands, whether it is punk or whatever. Then again the people in these bands are kind of snot nosed, and selfish, so I should need not worry about this. It is just something that pisses me off, especially when you try to make friends with people that are in bands.

I honestly want to get big some day, if you want to call me a sell out, whatever. Reason why, I want to make a difference on someones life that follows my music. I was some wrong way kid not too long ago with a misguided direction, then I really started getting into Rise Against, and bands like that, and it made a change on me. I want, someday, to have someone come up to me and say that my music, and me as a person changed their life because how I handled myself. That is all I want to get out of this, money is a non-factor. Now I know a few people reading this will think I am an asshole, and such, but those people don't honestly know me. I am an empathetic individual, I feel for other people, even though I normally don't say it. Sometimes I feel bad for people, then I realize that they got themselves into that problem. How I handle myself is a whole different story. I am humble, and that is what I want future fans to see me as, and not some ego inflated headed rock star. I laughed the other day when someone said that about my former band, I was like yeah, pretty much.

I should know more about the radio show in the next few days/weeks. Once again I am doing all kinds of media shit, just like high school all over again. If next semester goes to plan, I will start a political talk show like Keith Olbermann. It will be sick. Wow, ADD much, totally different subject from last paragraph. Anyways, that is enough for now.

Walking In The Footsteps

Word cannot begin to describe how much fun I had tonight at the Marquee Theater in Tempe. It has been something about three and a half years in the making and it finally happened tonight. To say it is the best show I have ever played with Riot Act is an understatement, it was the best show I have every played. In my four plus years playing shows, I have never had such an amazing gig that left me in awe after.

About three years ago I first heard of the Marquee Theater, a little behind I know, but it took me a while to settle into the music scene out here. The band I was in at the time was given a chance to play the Marquee, all we needed to do was sell 50 tickets and they would be more than happy. Our guitar player at the time said it was a bad decision and we didn't do it. That was the only shot I had at it. There were other events that fell into my lap, but were totally missed because they were about 4 months too late.

Anyway... From the stage the Marquee seems a lot smaller. It really does. Same thing with the stage. Certain angles it looks a lot smaller than what it really is. Don't get me wrong it is a big place, but it is one of those eyes are deceiving you kind of places. None the less I had a great time running around the stage and just having fun.

It wasn't just the place that has me in awe, but also during out set I noticed a few people singing along with our songs. It wasn't just our single "On Edge," but also our track "Last Fight" that I saw people singing along with. This is amazing. Something is going right when you start to see that. I can't wait to have a full record out, and people can learn all of the words. Then, that will be an interesting sight.

I have done a little research about the concert history of the Marquee, and there one show that caught my eye. In 2003, Anti-Flag headlining with Rise Against, and Against Me! as their support. Yeah, three of my favorite bands on one stage. I have played the same stage that Anti-Flag has played before, the Clubhouse, but never one with Rise Against, or Against Me! for that fact. Then I thought about it, who else has played here; Bad Religion, Bouncing Souls, Offspring, Street Dogs, just to name a glaring few. I got to walk in the footsteps of my idols tonight. I totally could feel their presents over me.

Now there is this, I just hope that we can go back there and play again some day. It is just a great place to play, and the sound was a whole lot better than what I expected. Awesome night!!!

Another Short One

Just a reminder to myself that I need to post a political rant blog!

Not Dead, Just Relocated

Title says it all. Home for the first time in five days. Have internet connection, besides my phone. I will be writing more in Flag this fall, especially if I do get that radio show. I'll probably start a whole new blog for that.

On Edge....

Riot Act "On Edge" by Riot Act Official

Need I say more. How I spent my last day in Phoenix. Awesome feedback already. Lets hope it stays true.

On Edge....

Riot Act "On Edge" by Riot Act Official

Need I say more. How I spent my last day in Phoenix. Awesome feedback already. Lets hope it stays true.

This Town Will Be The Downfall Of Us All

This is it. It was months, weeks, days, now just hours. In 48 hours I will be in my apartment in Flagstaff.

I mean, I can even go back almost two years that this has been building up from, but it is now finally happening. To say I am not nervous, or scared would be a blatant lie. I have however been feeling indifferent about everything. When things fell through last year, I was disappointed, and maybe left a lot of excitement there. I think now it is starting to settle in. It has been 11 years, going on 12 now that I have been stuck in this place. To say I had it hard would be a lie too, it has been difficult at times, but I have persevered. There is so much up that I have no idea about. The uncertainty is mysterious, and unnerving at the same time. There are so many positives coming out of this too.

The biggest that I can say I am making is the jump into a real life, if you want to call it that. A step that can take me just about anywhere, and everywhere at the same time. The jump isn't the thing that I am most concerned about, it is about all the "hardships" that I have heard about university life. It is so weird that I have to learn a new town, and get used to all its oddities. I am also going to meet a slew of new people, hopefully, too. I think that is what has me most intrigued.

If there is one thing that has me the most concerned is the chance of failure, and things going horribly wrong. There is so much that can, then again there is so much that can go right. One of those things that has concerned me.

I'm leaving Phoenix in the rearview mirror and not really going to look back. While, yes my band still is in Phoenix, I will be coming down to practice every other weekend to stay up on everything. That isn't stopping me from playing on my own in Flag though. I will be practicing almost non-stop up there.

To those who have doubted me, fuck you. I am done here. I am moving on into another more important chapter in my life. There is a good group of people around me, and a supporting cast starting to form. I am looking forward to the next year, and see where it will lead me...

"Meet me out past the train tracks, I'm leaving, and I'm not coming back...."

From Where I Stand

A conversation that was brought up the other day about why you want to be in a band. It was really interesting. It is obvious to see when someone is in a band for all the wrong reasons, ie: money, women, material things. Most people dream of being a rich rock star, and I did at one point too, but I have been humbled over the past few years on things, and people that I have met. Not humbled because the dream seems like such a stretch to reach, but to see how people are in the position I want to get to.

It is cliche' to want to be rich, and music famous, but there is so much more to it than that. Sometimes when I say why I want to get famous, a up the punx kind of guy would look at me and think I am nothing more than a poseur, because I stand almost for what those "underground" kids believe in. I want to get gigantic, I would be more than content with being say a Green Day kind of famous, but that is too big. I would take anything that gets thrown into the mainstream. Why you may ask, because I have a message I want to get out. If you are in a band and you want to stay submerged, and out of the spotlight, but say you have good messages, what are you doing. The point is to get it out, and let it be heard. Most of us have strong opinions about, say problems in the world or what not, but so many afraid to vocalize their beliefs. This music is meant to be a conduit for those people do it their anger, and their voice heard.

The ultimate goal for me to get out of being in a band is this, have someone come up to me at some point and say that how I handle myself, and what I have to say in song and voice changed their life for the better. I don't want to be just some material star. To me that isn't what it is about. It isn't about having overly complicated music that has a bland, boring almost self loathing kind of message, but just the opposite. Writing songs that people can make weird connections to, to rally around, to pick them up when they are down. That's what I believe in. Music is the best, and safest medicine. So many people loose sight of that, and I have seen it already along this beaten path.

When this story book closes I don't care how big the crowd, 10,000, 1,000 or even 500 come out to a show every time, I just want it to be heard. Maybe spark the inferno in someone else's mind and let them become an architect to something great. It isn't about self gain in music, and I am so tired of it.

That is where I stand, and what I want to mean someday. Nothing more, nothing less...

You Were Right And I was Wrong

Feel privileged.

It has been an exiting three weeks. I mean, all that has been happening has been absolutely nuts, from finding different uses for the word "bacon," to near death experiences. Yeah, it has been that cool. I didn't even mention that Against Me! has been part of it twice, well that would be outside of four weeks. So you get what I am talking about.

Here's where I will begin, I start with Andrew Seward of Against Me!, this man made my Warped day that much better, besides from finding out that Jim Lindberg's new project was playing Phoenix, and I missed them last fall at Epicenter Fest. Start of the day, I send a tweet to the guys of Against Me!, and say that I'll be up on the rail, and for them to kick ass. Saw AM!'s set, went ape shit crazy the entire time in the 110 degree heat. At the end of the set, I asked for a setlist, and the roadies said they couldn't do that, so I started to walk away. Right as I was walking away, my brother grabs me by the shoulder, and points me to the security guard, the security guard was holding out a Monster can that was apparently directed to me. Not only that, according to my brother Andrew was saying "Shane, Shane." I was deaf after the show, so I didn't hear it. Shortly after the set I checked my phone and saw I had a tewwt from Andrew that read "Thanks for braving the heat with us today." (check it @ShaneAgainst.)After their set ran into Jay Weinberg, spoke with him for a few, give him one of our stickers, same with Tom Gabel, and asked him about his new label Total Treble. Then during the UK punk band Sharks set Andrew found me again, and we spoke about their set AM!'s future, and just general music. I kind of have an inside scoop on AM!'s new material that they are working on. Gave him a sticker, and told him any time that AM! is in the realm of AZ you can expect to see me up on th rail.

Cool classy guys.

Speaking of my band, how could I have forgotten. Or the narcissism. We've had quite the interesting few weeks together. So much better than it was before. I mean, a lot better.

Since Wes has joined the band we have ordered shirts, and plotted out a possible summer tour, spoken with people about playing Warped Tour in the future, and lined up to go record a single on the 18th. Not to mention we have played the Clubhouse again, and will be playing at Marquee Theater in the next two and a half weeks. Things just keep getting better... As I was typing this blog I was given a strong indication that we will be playing the Nile Theater in October. Also, we are headlining Club Red in Dec 3, which has been confirmed. Not 100% confirmed, but really close to being on the bill. So good thing coming. To anyone that my music career was over, you were obviously wrong. We have only gotten stronger. Not only as band mates, but this time it is feeling more and more like a family, not like it was before.

Flagstaff is a whole different story, I have an address, I have a place to live, now I just have to find a job. Moving out, and getting started with a real life. That doesn't mean that I am done with my band, no. We're playing in Flagstaff Nov 5, so it just goes on and on. If I get that radio show with KJACK things may get really fun this fall.

"You were right, I was wrong. This town will be the downfall of us all"

UPDATE: WE ARE IN FACT PLAYING THE NILE THEATER THIS FALL!!

The Restless Mind

Warped Tour was today. Saw Against Me! made friends with them too. They are the coolest guys that you will ever meet.

There is so much that I want to say, but sometimes I don't know how to say it. I saw her again at the show. All I could think of when I saw her was the first couple lines of Rise Against's song "Savior." It is really sad when you read the lines on a person's face, or the scars on their body, and you can tell that they are hiding something deep. Something so deep, that if they were to try and fight their demon in them, it would only defeat them. We are a species that is so good putting up facades. I know if I talked to her still, she would love my band. That is why I was so tempted to give her a flyer or sticker, but I didn't want to say anything because what I saw....

Sure enough, as I start writing this, my shuffle puts on "Savior."

Creepy...

It went from that song, to "Kristy Are You Doing Okay?" all day after seeing her. She isn't the only example that I have of a "Kristy," but she is the closest that I have to an almost flawless example of a character from a Offspring song. Just simple eye contact can bring back memories like opening a floodgate. I try not to forgot these memories, but rather keep them safe, so I don't let time fade them like a old photograph. Those who try to force bad scarring memories out will only slide, and fuck up again.

So perplexing. Then again, I may be looking at it as a purely business decision. She likes it, all pieces will fall into place. A frequented ticket sale, CD and merch purchases. Do the whole personable singer who seems like he is a friend, but is really no more than just a singer in a band who wants you to keep coming to his shows. Not how I would run. I'm too friendly at times, I'm too nice and it sucks.

I mean, there was so much that happened at Warped today, it was nuts. Concerts like that make me think, and sometimes thinking is my downfall. Then again, sometimes when my mind gets thrown into motion interesting things happen. Either way.

I shouldn't be awake anymore. I'm tired. This is all too weird.

Rise And Fall (Architects of Disaster)

“Rise And Fall (Architects of Disaster)”

I’m screaming at you,

But you don’t open your ears

The stubbornness, the ignorance is all you stand for

The writing is on the wall

Are you that blind, am I coming clear

Another turn missed, and there won’t be anymore

The lines are down, not a fucking sound

This fucking mess, is lost its innocents

We can be the ones, to tear it down

Or to make everything anew

Thought it all, with the rise and fall

I’m reaching out to you

I’m reaching out for you

Sometimes it’s that simple

Like its right in front of our face

A puzzle you left unsolved, like a forgotten song

Just let it fester, it’s okay

You are someone I can replace

So many faces in this town, do we really belong?

The lines are down, not a fucking sound

This fucking mess, is lost its innocents

We can be the ones, to tear it down

Or to make everything anew

Thought it all, with the rise and fall

I’m reaching out to you

I’m reaching out for you

The guilty pride, we hold inside

It’s just some false confidence

If you tell the lie long enough

Your true colors will run through

Into black and white, no wrong or right

I’m reaching out, I’m calling out for you

Yeah, we can be the ones to tear it down

Or make everything andew

Thought it all, with the rise and fall

I’m reaching out to

We can be the ones, to tear it down

Or to make everything anew

Thought it all, with the rise and fall

I’m reaching out to you

I’m calling out to you

Ghosts Or Just A Memory

It's funny about that that thought came back tonight. Every year around this time about what I think about. It is honestly a memory that comes, and goes. We are all entitled to a memory that does that, even if it is a bitter sweet memory. Something that we want to forget, but want to hold close to our heart.

It was three years ago Saturday that I met someone that would so subtly change my life. They way it changed is almost Inception like. Plant a simple thought, or idea and it grows like a disease. There were things so subtle that I did to then to wind up where I am today. There is a lot that she did that kind of shaped how I got to the end of the road.

There is always one thing on my mind about her. As I grow older, and those days just fade into oblivion of what is my memory, I think about her. Not just about what happened, but what happened to her. How her life turned out, how she made it along the way, all the ups, all the downs. Did she get where she wanted, or did she fall? I do wish the best, but I don't know. I think about that with all people in my past and how they have gone, she is just a good example of this thought process that I have. I've already seen how others lives have turned out, and they are total wrecks, and it has only been 3 years since I may have seen them. I guess it doesn't take long to go from having a decent living, to a walking train wreck. So many weird reasons why I make connection to Offspring songs, "chances blow, nothings free, long for, what used to be."

Looking back, there are so many things I would do differently now knowing smaller outcomes. I know if I did one thing her, another person may still have been a bigger factor in my life. Sad, sometimes I think my true opposite number (and I mean it in a good way) may never have known how much I actually felt. There is always one person like that. Three years make a big fucking diffidence. Just look at the politico blog I posted earlier.

This blog only chronicles a third of what has happened. There are so many blank pages that came before this. I wonder what they would have looked like. I'll never know. Certain memories are lost forever, only to be recovered by a faint scent, or a deja-vu happening. Gone. Keeping memories close are important. Sometimes they can help solve problems in your future, or be warnings. They help you move forward. Sometimes people just reside in your memory, and that is where they stay, forever, locked in your mind.

1984 Has Arrived

Have we been asleep? Have the last 30 some years all gone to the back of our minds, even if we were't alive then. These puzzle pieces do not fit, but we so casually just go along with the story that we are being fed. There is no room for improvement, we are taught that the discontent is the content. Our generation is a generation lost, and no one to stand up for it. I've watched over the last few years how things have gone in Washington DC. Ever since I was 18 I have longed for a true change, what I didn't know. Now I stand here at 21, and I see how dysfunctional things really are. After reading the book 1984 last year, I started seeing way too many connections with modern society, but no one really agreed with me.

For those who do not know, 1984 is a dystopian novel written in 1948 by George Orwell. The plot in the story revolves around a man named Winston Smith who is dissatisfied with his current living conditions under "Big Brother." This mysterious figure that is "Big Brother" is a totalitarian dictator that controls everything that goes on on "Oceania." Smith is a high middle class individual, and is forced to work with the government editing news headlines so they read how the "Party" wants them to read. Through out the book, Smith tries to find what is called "The Resistance," which is supposed to be a underground group waiting for the right time to over throw "Big Brother." "The Resistance" however, is not real, just a manifestation created by the "Party" to find outsiders and "cure" them.

Within the last 10 years a lot one sided politics has occurred. This country has been dragged further, and further right by extreme Republican politics. It's not just political agendas that right has pulled at, but also personal vendettas. Need I say more of the abortion rights of women, and the no taxes for the rich. We went from being a country of liberties, and a chance for all, to a country of oppression for the middle and lower classes, while the top two percent can prosper and thrive. It was said it a movie released by HBO recently, "Too Big To Fail," Hank Paulson. former US Treasury Sectary said after being asked about why there were no regulations that could have averted the 2008-present recession, (for good measures I'm going to call it the Depression two, or DII because that is what it is. And yes, I know they said the "Recession ended in 2009, 76% of American don't believe that though.) and responded with "we were making too much money." They may have been making money, the money they were making was off of teh plight of the middle class because of a theory proposed by the banks, which destroyed America, take out a second mortgage on your house because if you house is valued at $500k, you have $500k to spend. Now that planned totally backfired.

There's some build up to my points.

I just spoke of how the top is meant to prosper, now in 1984, those who were on the top had all the opulent things, while the middle and lower groups were to be quenched with sub-standard products and be happy with it. I continue on.

Lets talk tax breaks shall we.

In 2001 President George W. Bush enacted one of the worst policies in the United States history. To shorten the context if of it, taxes were lowered for those making egregious amounts of money. At this point in time the country was sitting on a budget surplus, and small national debt, (all countries are going to have debt, no debt is bad for countries, weird... I know.) That changed, Bush, and his Republican congress went on a spending spree, started two wars that were unfunded, and not approved by the American people. The entire time this was all going on, there was no revenue coming into the country. We shifted from being a exporter, to almost primarily a importer. Simple logic. if you don't make money, you can't spent money. Now these righties believe that they can keep zero taxes fro rich and companies at next to zero, and just cut everything. Even things that this country relies on so much, like Social Security, and Medicare. Economists have said that cutting will not help the country, but rather hurt it. We have been hemorrhaging for ten plus years, and the best answers that our government can do is put a little dot band-aid on a slit throat. They do it over and over again, and get the same results.(Wait.. Is that the definition of insanity? Why yes, yes it is.)

Where we come in. The Resistance.

There is none.

Yes, that is right. There is no resistance to stand up to these oppressive forces. In 1984, everything was monitored closely by surveillance, and resistance was futile. That is what we face today. The generation that has a chance to stand up, and take back what is ours is either too timid to actually stand up, or have been brainwashed that it is useless. I would like to believe that we can make a difference, but so many have been sedated and don't even know it. We are told to accept authority that we are given, and bow to them. We are tackled because we are thrown into perpetual debt because of school. We are told that the discontent is the content that we will have to contend with for the rest of our life and there is little, to nothing that we can do about it. We are bound by what have been told. The television has destroyed us too. If you have read the book, what runs their life? The Tele-Screen. If you include cellphones, laptops, and computers in the television status, they are our Tele-Screens. Don't believe me, think about it. It is a perfect medium for a authoritarian society, like the one in 1984, and our current living arrangements.

Next time you go to think that everything is okay. Realize that you are discontent with the world around you, but too clueless to realize how your mind has been programmed that way. We always talk about being the generation to stand up, and take back what is ours, that is not the case. We will be the ones to sit down, and turn a blind eye to it. Why? It is just how we have been taught, how we have developed as individuals. Can we change it, and take an actual stand, I have no clue. The Resistance that we thought we could be is not true. There is no resistance. We just are somehow going to have to accept the fact that it is over, and wait for the proverbial bullet to enter our skull.

It's Been Forever And A Day

I inch closer to moving, and it is a place I can't wait to go to. This town has oppressed me for far too long. There is so much that I am willing to leave behind to get a new start. The only thing I don't want to leave is my band here in Phoenix. Funny part about that, they might wind up, well at least 3/4 of the group to Flag by next year. Weird.

This past four weeks has been one hell of a ride. I have felt literally all emotions that I thought I could feel. Right now it is sheer joy, but me a few weeks ago would not have thought that. It has been interesting to say the least. It will make for some very interesting lyrics when we start writing again.

Well, I guess I'll start at the band. This story was very interesting. First off, there were never any glaring visible problems that anyone talked about. Things were fine. Until one night, but no one guessed anything was wrong. Yeah, things may have gone haywire, but that was a personal matter, which I will get to later. I knew something wasn't right on stage. It during the set I kept on being interrupted on stage by Kurtis. We have always done for the most part I lead conversation on stage, and they would butt in when appropriated. I wasn't able to say what I had been saying in show about the songs, which I know people like to hear, he even said at one point, unbeknownst to me about someone "he's fun to drink with." We don't drink, well I don't, and now I know for a fact the band is straight-edge with all members. Then the next day I was being asked to leave the band I formed with my brother, and my brother stuck up for me because what was going on was horribly wrong. So since we were the founding members we were keeping the name, and since for the most part my brother was the main writer, we were keeping the music. Now out of all of this I was called a dictator, and such. Which I found out later that I was far from that. Apparently the second drummer we had was kicked out by Kurtis, and no one in the band had any say, or heard anything of it. So there was the whole mess of that, there is more like how we wanted to be the front man and such. It was a mess. I don't know the entire story because I was left in the dark about this, and just going on what I heard.

Now here is the band now of days, funny I kind of consider this the original line-up. When my brother and I started formulating this we had originally wanted to get Christian on the drums, and Wes on the guitar or bass. So You could say this was meant to be. I honestly like this line-up a whole lot better. I don't think I have ever laughed so hard in a band, and had so much fun playing the music. Now I am playing rhythm guitar, and singing. Such an energy release.

Lets tap on another topic, because this I believe is a stem of all of these problems that arose over the last few weeks, my old band mates. Let me say this about them, they are liars, and losers. It was a year ago that I left that band for that reason. Never have I met a group of people sputtering in place and think they are going somewhere. I get them their first show outside of a little venue, and not once to I receive a thanks or anything. It's just funny, even though I am not tied to that band, and I am still getting them gigs because they are so inept to getting their own. They try to act all "tough" and like "bad-ass," and then when they are presented with a chance to act like a tough guy, or a bad-ass in a fight, they back down, and call security because they are too weak to fight, or too afraid. To you sir, you are a fucking coward. They are just bad people. I honestly wish only the worst for them.

Then last but not least, we have the now ex-girlfriend. Sometimes I wish I never called your friend, but we can't change the past no can we. We all make statements about how we hate the past, and never want to relive it, which seems to be a theme on this blog, but of course she had to follow her tracks to the hole she was in. It is kind of comical. For someone to all themselves classy, you actually have to be "class." I don't think smoking and drinking qualify as "classy." I know one girl that I actually can call a "classy woman," but you are not one. Sadly enough by the end I was kind of getting disgusted by you. I guess I should have listened to my gut instincts from the start. Whatever. I did care for you, I did like you, but it wasn't going any further than that. So that's why I am so okay with it. I was over it before it even ended, but I know you were cheating on me. I know it, so you don't have to try and deny it. Just adding against your cause for not being classy. I gave you a lot of things, I was chivalrous, and took you places. You did a lot for me, at times and I think you. When you are a backstabber, you deserve nothing. So when you ship is sinking in the future, I will be sailing different seas, and will only deliver a short eulogy at your shipwreck.

I never understood the Pennywise song "Bro-Hymn" until recently, and now I get it. If you read the lyrics that is exactly how I feel with the people around me currently. I really have a lack of trust for people, I don't know how long that will take to heal, but it will. All that will remain are scars from the days gone by. The scars that we bare is what makes us. From the fights we have lost, and the fights we have won. That is what truly shapes us. We give up, we are nothing, we stand up to something we will only get stronger. I know that my old band mates in their "new" band (more like re-hashes of songs I help write,) and ex are quitters. They will give in to anything.

This may be a month late, but I feel this is the right time to say all this. Think what you must, and take from it whatever you want. I know the people I am calling out may be reading this, these are only words. You had your chance to confront me, and you backed down. Some day these people will wake up and see the disaster that is their life... Yeah right.

Oh, and speaking of seas, and analogies. I am already on a different sea. I braved the storm, and took it head on. From here it is relatively clear sailing. There will be rough seas again, but I am ready for anything.

For David..

I know it's been a month since I last posted. These are the lyrics I have, and I figured I'd let David learn them for the show, and anyone else who wants to read. There's the set songs, and the few we haven't played yet.

Enjoy..

1. "Built To Fail"

Something that I see every day
So fucked up I can't say
Those unforgiving faces are everywhere
Alert, but not aware
As the surroundings start to close in
Some where we've all been

Whoa-oh-oh oh--
We're built to fail, every time we slip and fall
Whoa-oh-oh oh--
You can't curtail, through it all we're standing tall

There's nothing for us here
A shell is what remains
All these vices have become amplified
Still can't break through the chains
As the surroundings start to close in
Some where we've all been


Whoa-oh-oh oh--
We're built to fail, cause every time we slip and fall
Whoa-oh-oh oh--
You can't curtail, through it all we're still standing tall
Whoa-oh-oh oh--
We're built to fail, cause every time we slip and fall
Whoa-oh-oh oh--
You can't curtail, through it all we're still standing tall

-solo-

Whoa-oh-oh oh--
We're built to fail, cause every time we slip and fall
Whoa-oh-oh oh--
You can't curtail, through it all we're still standing tall
Whoa-oh-oh oh--
We're built to fail, cause every time we slip and fall
Whoa-oh-oh oh--
You can't curtail, through it all we're still standing tall

2 "Third Wheel"

It's the place we go, After the lights go out
A cruel nightmare, that no one talks about
To all the broken dreams, that have become your life
It's like searching for an answer, And living on a knife

Unfair letdown,
Reset your dreams

This house you made can't be a home
The innocents we trust, is left all alone (whoa--)
Your heart is with us, though your not here
These words wont reach you, but we'll always be near

The ones you love, can't be trusted
When simplicity is gone, so much for being adjusted
They're breaking down doors, and the scars won't heal
And your parents love, make you feel like the third wheel

Unfair letdown,
Reset your dreams

This house you made can't be a home
The innocents we trust, is left all alone (whoa--)
Your heart is with us, though your not here
These words wont reach you, but we'll always be near

{solo}

This house you made can't be a home
The innocents we trust, is left all alone (whoa--)
Your heart is with us, though your not here
These words wont reach you, but we'll always be near

3. "Turbulence (Amerikan Nightmare)"

To the empty streets, with boarded up windows
Broken dreams that once lived here
Better times that we stop and try to remember
As those memories don't seem too clear
The shouts under a unrelenting sun go un heard
But the mindless still adhere

We don't know what to say
It was going to happen anyway

The American dream, has become a nightmare (whoa--)
Unconscious, and unaware
The promised land is now a waste land (whoa--)
Stuck in the nine to five command

Don't blink, and have no fear this is not a test
Everyone has fucked you over
What you are feeling is called being opressed
Or just your just middle class
We are getting thirsty, and becoming unaddressed
The empty streets are rising

We don't know what to say
It was going to happen anyway

The American dream, has become a nightmare (whoa--)
Unconscious, and unaware
The promised land is now a waste land (whoa--)
Stuck in the nine to five command

The American dream, has become a nightmare (whoa--)
Unconscious, and unaware
The promised land is now a waste land (whoa--)
Stuck in the nine to five command

4. "On Edge"

"On Edge"
All along we'll sit by the fire
While the rest sit and conspire
Behind the scenes, forgetting you and me
Creating the lies that we see

Getting lost, trying to remember
Things haven't been right since September
Just fighting the air that we breathe
It always comes around, it always come around

I'm still hoping for better days (I'm still fighting myself)
The ones we love are so far away (My enemy is in me)

We are standing on the edge again
Right before our eyes we'll (fall down)
This life we had is a mess again
You say it's over, we're asking when?

My head is ringing like a bell
Stuck inside of a prison cell
The circles we ran, and miles lost
We want back at any cost

What's behind the door's isn't the worst
I guess we are just the cursed
Spending too much time on what if's
While ignoring what can be, what can be

I'm still hoping for better days (I'm still fighting myself)
The ones we love are so far away (My enemy is in me)

We are standing on the edge again
Right before our eyes we'll (fall down)
This life we had is a mess again
You say it's over, we're asking when?

We are standing on the edge again
Right before our eyes we'll (fall down)
This life we had is a mess again
You say it's over, we're asking when?

We are standing on the edge again
Right before our eyes we'll (fall down)
This life we had is a mess again
You say it's over, we're asking when?

5. "Exit Strategy"

She said, "I don't know,"
As the ground crumbled in her hand
I think we should turn away

Think back to the better days gone by
All alone we'll sit and wonder why
After these failed attempts to fly
We'll never try, we'll only die

The cold rain will fall again
We now have become a then
Still trying to live out a lie
The one's you can't deny, the ones you can't deny

We can't turn and walk away
This is now disarray
I'll be the one to find
The one you left behind, the one you left behind

All these doors have been slammed shut
An exit not is a lost cause
Looks like we're forced to stay

Like a wall, that you can't break through
This torn heart flutters like a torn page
The wind just won't carry me away
Coming of age, end of a phase

The cold rain will fall again
We now have become a then
Still trying to live out a lie
The one's you can't deny, the ones you can't deny

We can't turn and walk away
This is now disarray
I'll be the one to find
The one you left behind, the one you left behind

Our time has gone to waste
Leaving us without a taste
You reside in my memory
With no way out with no way out

The cold rain will fall again
We now have become a then
Still trying to live out a lie
The one's you can't deny, the ones you can't deny

We can't turn and walk away
This is now disarray
I'll be the one to find
The one you left behind, the one you left behind

6. "Down, But Not Out"

Are we the ones so far away, like a ship drifting out to sea?
Our destination has become unknown, somewhere we can’t agree
The curtains draw, and the lights go out, and we cannot flea
I don’t know where you stand anymore, but it’s just you and me

I know you're still standing alone
But this fuse has already blown

(We are) down but not out
Even though we stand against the odds
Break out, and see what it’s all about
Take a breath and jump into the unknown
(We are) down but not out
You can’t keep us from coming back (hey!)
Break out, and leave no sense of doubt
Take a breath and to the unknown

The road we take has brought us here, nowhere to be found
All these dreams that your tears have long since drowned
Are hiding somewhere in the past, as we turn ourselves around
Like a book with unwritten pages, we can find our common ground

I know you're still standing alone
But this fuse has already blown

(We are) down but not out
Even though we stand against the odds
Break out, and see what it’s all about
Take a breath and jump into the unknown
(We are) down but not out
You can’t keep us from coming back (hey!)
Break out, and leave no sense of doubt
Take a breath and jump into the unknown

(Solo)

(We are) down but not out
Even though we stand against the odds
Break out, and see what it’s all about
Take a breath and jump into the unknown
(We are) down but not out
You can’t keep us from coming back (hey!)
Break out, and leave no sense of doubt
Take a breath and jump into the unknown

Whoa-oh, whoa-oh-oh whoa-oh,
Whoa-oh, whoa-oh-oh whoa-oh,

7. Don't Take Our Voice"

We put to shame all the nay-sayers

Like a door that's been slammed shut in your face

We will not be silenced in this place

They told us to say all our prayers

We only got questions in return

They sit back and watch us fucking burn

I'm not the one to sit back and run away

The bridge's burnt, and there's no where to say

There's nothing left, don't take our voice

We'll play along but never by the rules

They're still trying to pass us off as fool

There's nothing left, don't take our voice

They draw the line just to cross again

Fourteen stand out against the grain

The be the ones left out in the rain

It's the words they won't condemn

When hate has become the norm

We're ignoring the oncoming storm

I'm not the one to sit back and run away

The bridge's burnt, and there's no where to say

There's nothing left, don't take our voice

We'll play along but never by the rules

They're still trying to pass us off as fool

There's nothing left, don't take our voice

Face to face, and eye to eye

Face to face, and eye to eye

I'm not the one to sit back and run away

The bridge's burnt, and there's no where to say

There's nothing left, don't take our voice

We'll play along but never by the rules

They're still trying to pass us off as fool

There's nothing left, don't take our voice

8. "Last Fight"

I know what you’re still thinking
The undertoe has dragged you back in
They brought you to the top
And dropped you like a brick
An awkward silence is all you have left

Another way (Another way)
To be let down (To be let down)
This is the last time, you fight alone

Break through the day (Break through the day)
Just to let go (Just to let go)
Someone tell me I’m okay

This time we live, for what’s ahead
We break out singing (whoa oh-oh, Whoa-oh-oh)
We throw our hands into the flame
You're not the only voice (Whoa oh-oh, Whoa oh-oh

Your scream pierces the cold of night
Still wishing on every star in that sky
You fell to your knees
With the promises you can’t keep
You hit to the ground like the fall leaves

Another way (Another way)
To be let down (To be let down)
You see yourself shatter like glass

Break through the day (Break through the day)
Just to let go (Just to let go)
May the bridges I burn light your way home

This time we live, for what’s ahead
We break out singing (whoa oh-oh, Whoa-oh-oh)
We throw our hands into the flame
You're not the only voice (Whoa oh-oh, Whoa oh-oh)

This time we live, for what’s ahead
We break out singing (whoa oh-oh, Whoa-oh-oh)
We throw our hands into the flame
You're not the only voice (Whoa oh-oh, Whoa oh-oh)

9. "Streetlights"

We don’t know what they’re saying

These voices once so loud have gone

It’s like a song that just keeps playing

The broken message just goes on

I’ve heard this all before

“No need to disobey”

(Whoa--)

We stand back, and watch it burn down

(Whoa--)

Our hearts ignite, under the streetlights

To picket lines, and questions unanswered

To the deserts to follow in the lies

I don’t think they get it

Everywhere let our fists fly to the skies

All it takes is one to speak out

Their dominos will cave in

(Whoa--)

We stand back, and watch it burn down

(Whoa--)

Our hearts ignite, under the streetlights

We aren’t the chosen, even if we try

We won’t wait for another day

(We have enough now)

I’ve heard this all before

“No need to disobey”

(Whoa--)

We stand back, and watch it burn down

(Whoa--)

Our hearts ignite, under the streetlights

(Whoa--)

We stand back, and watch it burn down

(Whoa--)

Our hearts ignite, under the streetlights

These voices once so loud have gone

10. "Only We Know"

There's a time, that I always run to

The lights on, but no one's home

It's a string we always undo

But this time, it's coming back on you

And so, we'll stand together

With these dreams we never had

But are we still breathing?

And though this road we take's to no where

And it may never end

But it's somewhere only we know

It's just a hand, I'm offering to you

You turn your back, and run away

We've seen out best, and worst

You feel the flame, but never stay

And so, we'll stand together

With these dreams we never had

But are we still breathing?

And though this road we take's to no where

And it may never end

But it's somewhere only we know

It's safe to come out of hiding

Under the veil of night we're confiding

We've lost the fight, but not the war

We're still hungry and coming back for more

And so, we'll stand together

With these dreams we never had

But are we still breathing?

And though this road we take's to no where

And it may never end

But it's somewhere only we know

And so, we'll stand together

On these dreams built on sand

But we still breathing

And though this road we take's to no where

But we are on the mend

But it's somewhere only we know

11. "All Or Nothing"

“All Or Nothing”

The words we swallow, always hurt the worse

They leave us empty and never quench our thirst

But it’s the breath that we choke on,

They stood and watched, as we’ve come and gone

I’ve stood back and let this go on too long

We’ll change the beat, yeah we’ll change the fucking song

We’ll find our place, under the sun again

We’ll lose it all, but it’s all we have

We’ll wipe the sweat as it drips from our brow

We’ll lose it all, but it’s all or nothing

The silence is shattered in this empty room

With words that my mind can’t consume

We’ve tried our best, but for what?

This slate is clean, like a blank page

I can’t look back, and waste time on the past

Years have been wasted, and the future’s coming fast

We’ll find our place, under the sun again

We’ll lose it all, but it’s all we have

We’ll wipe the sweat as it drips from our brow

We’ll lose it all, but it’s all or nothing

We’ll find our place, under the sun again

We’ll lose it all, but it’s all we have

We’ll wipe the sweat as it drips from our brow

We’ll lose it all, but it’s all or nothing

There we go. All 11 original tracks, not including the acoustic song. I just want to say this. If you are going to "re-use" my stuff, I will fucking take it back and re-tool it in the genre that it should have been in in the first place. Be more creative. Here are 11 entirely new tracks except for one chorus. What have you done. David, Wes, here be the lyrics you asked for.

I will start writing back in here in the next few days. I have a whole lot of things to say.

Last Fight

“Last Fight”

I know what you’re still thinking

The undertow has sucked you back in

They brought you to the top

And dropped you like a brick

An awkward silence is all you have left

Another way (Another way)

To be let down (To be let down)

This will be your last fight all alone

(Break through the day) Break through the day

(Just to let go) To let go

Someone tell me I’m okay

This time we live, for what’s ahead

We break out singing (whoa oh-oh, Whoa-oh-oh)

We throw our hands into the flame

You're not the only voice (Whoa oh-oh, Whoa oh-oh

Your scream pierces the cold of night

Still wishing on every star in that sky

You fell to your knees

With the promises you can’t keep

You fall to the ground like the fall leaves

Another way (Another way)

To be let down (To be let down)

You see yourself crash and shatter like glass

(Break through the day) Break through the day

(Just to let go) To let go

May the bridges I burn light your way home

This time we live, for what’s ahead

We break out singing (whoa oh-oh, Whoa-oh-oh)

We throw our hands into the flame

You're not the only voice (Whoa oh-oh, Whoa oh-oh)

This is your chance, gets off your knees

Here’s to the last time, you fight alone

This time we live, for what’s ahead

We break out singing (whoa oh-oh, Whoa-oh-oh)

We throw our hands into the flame

You're not the only voice (Whoa oh-oh, Whoa oh-oh)

A Long Time

I keep on forgetting I do this. I keep on telling myself I will do it tomorrow, then realize it is the end of the month by the time I finally get to it. Any way, I saw this and wanted to post it to prove that, one I still use this and two I liked this little chunk of opinion.

"You know those embarrassing photos of your parents with the 70's/80's fashions? Parachute pants, disco shit, bleach-blonde fried hair etc.? You know how when you ask them what the fuck they were thinking they say something like "Son/daughter, I have no fucking idea, it was cool then I guess". You'd be hard pressed to find anyone outside of a trailer-park that still thinks rat-tail haircuts and def leppard shirts are cool. (in a non-ironic, non-hipster faggot way.)

Here's what I'm getting at, do you people realize that by getting these tattoos that you are forever branding yourself as being a fucking idiot who bought into the stupidest fashion trend of all time? Do you not realize that in 10-15 years, you will be percieved as being "one of those dumbasses that tattooed his whole arm to be cool"?

What you essentially did was the equivalent of having a pair of parachute pants surgically grafted to your ass. You went to the hair-stylist and said "make my hair look like vince neil's....forever" You retards are going to be laughed at and ridiculed for the rest of your lives!

If you don't have any tattoos, or any that are not excessive and not easily covered, then congrats. You might just go through life without being looked at as if you're a piece of shit. I know some are thinking "I don't give a fuck". Well, that works when you're a pipsqueak that ammounts to a puddle of rat's piss, but one day you just might want to be somewhat successful.

Don't get tattoos kids.:"

..And All The Sorrow In This World

For the first time in a long while I was at a loss for words. That never happens. I tend to know how to handle any situation that is brought upon me, but this was something different. Normally when I speak, I can speak from experience, but not this. There are events that the human mind has no idea how to comprehend. Most of the time when we lose a loved one, we know it's coming. A grandparent/parent/brother or sister gets diagnosed with a terminal disease, and is given a time table. When something sudden happens, you don't know how to react, or what to do.

I found out today that a good friend of mine from New York, his father was killed by being electrocuted while trying to fix an A/C unit. The story that I heard was rather sad. Right now in New York it isn't too hot, but mind you I am speaking from a place where the average temperature is 100, and 75 is jacket weather. So apparently, I don't know around what time, he went out to fix it, and he was found dead.

My friend is a tough dude. If I stayed in New York I would be right beside him right now and about to make a jump to the FDNY. So you can see my cards, he is a firefighter. Those guys are tough mother fuckers. I feel as though I should be there right now, is this weird? No. I am stuck thousands of miles away, and been handed a different card. There are times I honestly feel closer to the people I know back in New York than I know here in Arizona. I feel obligated to be there, but I can't. The only thing I can do is keep him and his family in my thoughts.

This set the wheels in my mind into motion. Every time I hear something like this it makes me realize how precious our lives can be. To live is not something to be over looked. Many people say that their lives are so bad, and they wish they were dead, and people kill themselves everyday. Why? I life is honestly worth more than anyone can imagine. That's why politically I am frustrated at why the government will let for profit companies decide whether we live or die. I reject their hand in that, but that isn't the point I make.

It is okay to be scared with what life may bring you, there is nothing wrong with that. The unexpected is what is so exciting. Who doesn't want some excitement in their life. I do have a belief more fate than anything. That everything we do has for the most part been pre-decided, that cliche' "if it's your time to go it's your time." We will never know what is in store though, and I like that unknown. Sometimes I wish I could predict what is going to happen to me, but it is murky pool to look in.

Those who want to waste life, do not deserve life. Live life, don't be stuck wanting on what will never be, or get stuck on what happened. We have control, even though I said I believe in fate, but I believe that we do control out fate though, to a certain degree. To let go and give up is no way to look at life, and just accept. Change fate, and make your story like a unwritten book. Don't let a boring terminal become your life.-SP

Good Bye Phoenix

It only has been delayed for a few months, but two years in the making, and strangely, I did it.

For me, Phoenix City is going to be in my rear view in a few months, and I couldn't be happier. I finally got accepted into NAU, so now comes a summer of taking a deep breath, and relaxing. Things are about the change rather rapidly.

That's all I have.

My Ears Are Open

Its is something so subtle that it goes unnoticed. Sometimes you can feel it like jerk from an earthquake, but most of the time the alterations in your personality are so discrete, you don't realize it until you see the past again. When I heard the voices from the past sing to me, I was appalled. My present me would have taken the me then aside and said this, "dude, change your direction now, or you are going to spin out." I would have probably been ignorant to that advice and continued to trudge on in a winless fight. Now I see what a mistake I have made years later.

This feeling is almost of being indifferent, and the fact that it is in the past, I couldn't be happier. I wish I could reclaim those three years of my life wasted, and transplant myself now into my old self shoes. Strangely, a lot of beliefs I had then did transfer over, although not you might think. When you are in a wanna be 80's band, and you can put any of your true feelings in it, you should have walked then. Only one song ever had like... correction, two songs had a "true" feeling in it. Now that I have been released from those chains almost a year I am able to voice what I want to, and say what I want to. No more restrictions, no more being tied to a lie.

It feels good.

The only we learn is from making mistakes along the road that we are taking. It is almost instinctual for us to do it that way. This statement I have made about a million times, "those who don't learn from their mistakes, are doomed to repeat them," I advise everyone to look at their flaws before saying, "this is what they want." Our flaws make us perfect. To be imperfect is what makes the human so perfect. There is no other way, and it is what is so intriguing.

Now here is what I will say for those that have read, and will read this will probably be the most reassuring part I have written in a while.

It is okay to be insecure, and scared about being out done by someone. It happens, there is always someone better than you out there. To say that you are the best is a lie. I mean it is so rare to find someone who would be called the best. There are exceptions, but so rare, so rare. I being a singer, artist, and writer know there is always someone that is better than me. I try not to worry about it, and just try to give it my all, and hope that what I leave on the table people will like, and if they don't accept what I give, their loss, not mine. This problem is one that so many have. We are never sure of ourselves, and it is what tends to hold us back. If we just give in to the notion that someone is better, instead of making it a competition we can relax, and get better at what we are trying to do.

Then I know there are the unmotivated. For you, find something you are passionate in, or something that erks you. For me I have politics, and on many occasions I will speak out about what is going on in the globe. I could speak about what is going on in Missouri, and Oklahoma, but I do not know enough about the situation to feel a true empathetic feeling for them. I feel bad, but I do not feel as bad as if I was effected by it. As to are most Americans, the "it doesn't hurt me so why care." I hope the people get help, I do, but I can't do anything. Those sitting around and wasting their life, why? Life is something so precious, and so short live it.

On that subject, a sudden moment of reality I had last night.

I asked a while ago, why do I keep visualizing myself dying in any situation that I get myself into. Whether it is a car accident, or a freak of nature, I always picture myself dying. Someone responded to me and said that I am probably really depressed, and need help. That is not the case. I am not a suicidal person, and would never want to do it. Now I know some of you are waiting for me to admit to that after reading the first part, not the case. I saw what someone said on a thread where some was admitting they wanted to kill themselves. Here is a paraphraised version of what they said, "you only get once chance at life, and if you want to kill your self you aren't living or doing enough." Then it dawned on me, these thoughts are of fear, not of depression. I am an ambitious individual, and there is so much out there that I want to do, and I have not had the chance to step up to the plate and take a swing. I am just scared of missing out. That is what my death visions are coming from. In other words, I want to live, and I don't want to miss a beat. Makes sense right? Weird, I know, but it is logical.

Anyways, that I believe is my ramblings for now. I will have more as the summer progresses. There will be a lot of down time. I think I will have a lot to say. Stay tuned...

Told You So

Well the prediction I made all of a day ago, it came true. It wasn't quite how I predicted it, but nonetheless, just as funny.

When I smell a problem, I can laugh at it. Karma has a weird way of playing its self out.

Let me just say this since I now have some peoples attention. Life right now for me, even though I hate sounding selfish, is going really good. I have a great girlfriend, and things for the most part are falling into place. This summer is shaping up to be a very good summer from the start, atlthough not a fast one, but a good one so far. There is a lot that is going to happen this summer that has me excited. The crazy part is I am probably on route to move out within the next three months, finally relocate to Flagstaff. I am concerned about it, the change is good, but there things I am leaving behind I am not sure I want to leave here. I am a two hour drive away, I need to remember that.

Things happening this summer

1. Show Sunday at the Clubhouse

2. California for the 4th of July and Against Me!

3. Recording

4. First headlining show July 23

5. Against Me! again in Phoenix in August

6. Moving.

Those are just the headlines. There is much more that is going to happen. What I don't know. I am debating myself if I want to seek a summer job, or just take it easy. Honestly, I don't feel like sitting around home all week. Although, my fat ass is doing the P90X work out, which I believe I have already lost like 4 or 5 pounds, I just need to eat better. It's a choice I'll make soon. I don't think 500 bucks will last me the summer, so a job would be nice.

I would bitch about this "rapture" thing that is supposed to happen in about 14 hours, but I don't see the need. You've seen my religions stance. I really don't care, and this it is just nuts. I had an interesting conversation today about it. The only answer that we really can't answer is, energy never dies. So there has to be something after death. Is conscious an energy, or is nothing. Crazy thoughts!

Damn, I wish I had more reasons to be pissed off, or some really interesting things to say right now. I don't so I hate to be the buzz kill. I've said this before, when I'm not under a lot of stress I don't write, when I'm not bored I don't write. Right now I write because I am bored. So suck on that for now. later.-SP

Victory Lap

We'll my seven day stress is now over. I know things all should fall into place. This fall will be very interesting to say the least! My nerves are going to be excited, but really scared about this change. It is going to more than welcomed. So here we go, a summer where I will be taking a victory lap because of this achievement!

Any whooo.

While I am here, I have things to talk about, of course. Mostly music, after all I just did talk personal before, so lets go to what tends to be the norm here.

I'll just say these things straight forward, because I know it pisses them off. I got all the dirt on my old band through a very reliable source, it is amazing what people will say when they are talking to a girl. What I learned was rather funny, and sad. For the most part they are a shit talking band, everyone talks shit behind each others back, which comes as no surprise to me, it was happening before, I guess things never change. They also have mad communication problems, they were trying to tell one member to come to practice while they were on vacation, and they were told this by him many a times. Being in a band requires communication, and if they are having this problem, it will only get worse. The shit talking will become a problem to, especially when one member is intimidated by the others talent, and feels that they were encroaching on their side of the stage during show.

Oh, and lets get to the music.

I learned that they aren't writing anything new. I saw them two months ago, and all the music was stuff that was written back from 2009-2010, apparently they have to sink even lower to steal music that wasn't even written by them, to stuff that was written back in 2008, when only one member was in the band, and that member has no real creative input behind it. Kind of low, right? It's okay, I have MP3's of all the songs they are trying to rip off. It just shows that they are uncreative pukes, trying to rehash old stuff that didn't work in the first place, and what makes them think it will work again. I mean, they lyrics to the original versions of the songs actually meant something, they weren't written just to write meaningless lyrics. The last song I posted, "All Or Nothing," was actually inspired by my girlfriend. Writing a song about a girl doesn't always have to be a love ballad, or sex song, contrary to popular belief. It also can be taken in many different directions. From what I heard their lyrics are whiny, and bland. Hey if that's how they think they are going to make it, rehashing things that didn't work in the first place, go for it. Also, playing the same venue every show will not help.

My band currently has 11 completed original songs (all entirely new), we all get along very well, and our live show has been great now. We practice about 4-6 times a week, and actually went a 10 straight day run recently, and didn't even notice it. Being constant, and making the songs muscle memory are key to the band. We already have had people come up to us, and find meanings in our songs we didn't even know were there, so I guess we can say we are doing something right.

That's it for now. I sleep. Oh, I sleep.-SP

Post Script: Now I am finding out that one member is planning on leaving, and they probably have no clue. As me being a journalist, I have a more than reliable source. My theory is just more right. Creepy. I'm good at predicting things.

All Or Nothing

“All Or Nothing”

The words we swallow, always hurt the worse

They leave us empty and never quench our thirst

But it’s the breath that we choke on,

They stood and watched, as we’ve come and gone

I’ve stood back and let this go on too long

We’ll change the beat, yeah we’ll change the fucking song

We’ll find our place, under the sun again

We’ll lose it all, but it’s all we have

We’ll wipe the sweat as it drips from our brow

We’ll lose it all, but it’s all or nothing

The silence is shattered in this empty room

With words that my mind can’t consume

We’ve tried our best, but for what?

This slate is clean, like a blank page

I can’t look back, and waste time on the past

Years have been wasted, and the future’s coming fast

We’ll find our place, under the sun again

We’ll lose it all, but it’s all we have

We’ll wipe the sweat as it drips from our brow

We’ll lose it all, but it’s all or nothing

(We rise, we fall)

(We lose it all)

(To stand, again)

(Just to find our zen)

We’ll find our place, under the sun again

We’ll lose it all, but it’s all we have

We’ll wipe the sweat as it drips from our brow

We’ll lose it all, but it’s all or nothing

Band Dilemma

Well. I hate to get your hopes up, but this isn't a problem where the next step is the band falls apart. No not even close. Just sucky scheduling might suck.

Here's the low down...

Authority Zero is playing Club Red July 2, and we have been asked to play. Here is the catch. Most of us have planned vacations already which we would all be back in town together on July 10. My vacation plans are taking me to Pomona, CA for Warped Tour to see Against Me!, Street Dogs, and Continental, and of course mass beach time. Kurtis will be in the San Jose area to be with family, and Anthony will be in San Diego with his father.

It's not the end of the world if we can't do it, but the exposure we could garner would be tremendous! AZ plays there all the time, but it is just the first chance we saw. We are also working with the guy at Club Red about doing a festival soon, and possibly getting Strike Anywhere, and Nations Afire to do it, but all right now is just ideas, and waiting to work things out.

We'll see how this goes. Fuck you bad timing!!!

Political System Theory

Political system

A democratic socialist system based off of Marxism, and current American democracy. All people are created equal, but some are higher on a “food chain.”

Public services, like firefighter, police, teachers and healthcare workers, true minimum wage/entry jobs are at the bottom, broken into three classes, Class A, which receives better portioned rations/pay, Class B, which shall receive less than A, but make more than C, and C which makes the lowest, but more than enough to live comfortably. You can go up and down in the pay class.

To fix modern political system, an uprising anarchistic like state must happen to over throw current government. Modern government is broken, and must be fixed. In this government system it is very similar to modern US political system; there is a bi-cameral house and senate, and a supreme court. The president is voted on by the people, there are no parties, just people. Presidential elections are held every four years, and president can be voted in an infinite amount of times. If the president is voted out by the people, a majority vote, ie 51%-49%, he serves a fifth year, and then at the end of that year, an election is held between two new candidates that are picked randomly from a computer. The out going president can be picked again if their name comes up. The government helps prepare the two random citizens for an election. The selected can decline, and another drawing is held to find another candidate. The house and senate is held just like modern senate and house, a citizen will announce candidacy and will run that way. House and senate members cannot be selected for president; they can, however, run if they step down from their political position. They lose their seat, and cannot get it back until the next election cycle, and can regain a seat.

There is no official religion or shall there ever be. All religions shall be tolerate.

English is the official language, although other languages can be spoken and taught.

Metric system is the official system of measure.

I Am Complete

To those who never had a chance...

Let tell you a jig about song writing. Not a jig, because well I am not going to dance for you. I just completed writing the tenth song for my bands album. Yes, we have a records worth of songs, and yes it is going to be recorded this summer. I know only a select few people actually read this so I figured I'd spill the beans here before we do May 22 at the Clubhouse. Riot Act will be going into studio July 20 to record a ten (10) track record. The cost, not as bad as you would think, we'll leave that out. Recorded by who, someone who saw us in show and is a big Rise Against fan and has a $100,000 plus recording studio that he is going to let us use. networking rocks. Also doing a cover of "Give it All" can turn heads if you do it right.

Anywhoo...

I just finished writing the lyrics for the last song. Here are the lyrics:

"Streetlights"

We don’t know what they’re saying

These voices once so loud have gone

It’s like a song that just keeps playing

The broken message just goes on

I’ve heard this all before

“No need to disobey”

(Whoa--)

We stand back, and watch it burn down

(Whoa--)

Our hearts ignite, under the streetlights

To picket lines, and questions unanswered

To the deserts to follow in the lies

I don’t think they get it

Everywhere let our fists fly to the skies

All it takes is one to speak out

Their dominos will cave in

(Whoa--)

We stand back, and watch it burn down

(Whoa--)

Our hearts ignite, under the streetlights

We aren’t the chosen, even if we try

We won’t wait for another day

(We have enough now)

I’ve heard this all before

“No need to disobey”

(Whoa--)

We stand back, and watch it burn down

(Whoa--)

Our hearts ignite, under the streetlights

(Whoa--)

We stand back, and watch it burn down

(Whoa--)

Our hearts ignite, under the streetlights

These voices once so loud have gone

Now some people think writing ten songs is tough, not really. Think this. If you look at the insert of most bands records they say "songs written between (as an example) June-October 2007." Most albums are written between 3-4 months, and we are doing just 10 tracks, now mind you this we practice around 16 hours a week, on writing weeks we may practice 20 hours a week. Now pro bands will be in studio to write for maybe 40-60 hours a week, mind you we are all students, and not a pro band. So that takes away from that. I find writing lyrics very easy. I learned recently how to more so freestyle write, and as we put it "frickashawna," or basically making weird noises over the instrumental and picking words out of it. Actually, the chorus lines "We stand back, and watch it burn down/Our hearts ignite...." actually came while I was just basically singing gibberish, I wanted to say those words. Same thing with our last song we wrote "Exit Strategy." They come very easy. The instrumentals take about two hours two write sometimes, that is even on a higher side, most of the time the music, or part of is written away from practice. Then we record the instrumental, now with me singing a melody, and I listen to it and write lyrics. Not that hard.

Composing music too isn't that hard. If you are making it hard on yourself, you are doing something wring. Tom Gabel does it best. He'll string three chords together, and make it sound great. It is really that simple. People will say that takes originality out of it, not really. It is also about what is said. To write weird lyrics that don't make any sense, or self centered lyrics are not really that exciting. Give a listener something that they can picture themselves doing. The song that is above is about the rage, passion and emotion of protest against what is keeping you down. It can also be taken other ways if you want too. I'm not saying my songs have to have one meaning. I also like ironic songs. I have one song that is probably going to be the second single that's title is the opposite about what it is about. Then another track, which I believe I have posted here On Edge has about three or four meanings. Look at it politically, or emotionally, and you will find something there. That is what this band that I am in is about. Getting through to the listener to let them know that they are not the only one who's life has been fucked up or screwed over. Most band now a days really do forget the listener. I won't let that happen anymore.

To sum it up. Song writing is easy, adn don't over complicate it. Goodnight.-SP