For All The Unheard

I guess I have done a good job in really getting people to forget that this thing is still even here. I haven't posted in it for a long time, and haven't really consistently for well over a year. I thought it just became against the point to even post, to really say anything. I mean if you are actually reading this, you are just stalking my life, and there is no need for you to. I just need some place to vent, some place to go. Things have been kind of crummy lately, and I just need someone, or something to talk to.

Lets see... Where to start.

I could start off with the fact that I am really unhappy with my life at the moment, that I feel as if I am wasting time, just treading water and not really swimming. It has been four years of pure shit at the college level, and they say it is the best time of you life, bullshit! It doesn't help that I missed basically a year of school because I was sick, and then was delayed even more by shitty advising at all levels. Someone who is 22 should not feel this far back. According to records I am two years behind. One semester was missed because I was sick and fell behind in all of my classes, and another was lost because of money issues and basically was forgotten. So right there is one year, and of course first semester in college I was totally clueless about what to do, and not told that the placement test that I had taken could be retaken. This all happened within the last two years.

Now I watch kids talk about how they are about to graduate, and get on with their lives. I'm stuck. In school. For who the fuck knows how many years. I don't want to do it any more. Some people get a chance to take a break after high school, and think about what they want to do. I have never been given that chance. I have just been told to keep going until I find something, never get to catch my breath. Well guess what, that stamina is starting to run slow. I'm not even sure what I like...

I thought I liked what I was doing until the end of Feb. Things were going well, for the most part. Then I got into a huge shit storm of an argument with my father, who is on the opposite end of the political spectrum with me, and guess what. I'm a poly-sci major. That isn't meshing well. After I got into this altercation with him I have found my self in this apathetic funk. I just don't want to do it. He said he would begrudgingly support me basically with what I do after the fight, but I know he doesn't want me doing it. My family is kind of fractured right now. No one seems to realize it, or we are trying to ignore it. Things just aren't right.

I want to run, I want to hide so far away from all of these things. It is nuts. It is dragging me down. I'm pretty sure I am in some sort of state of depression, and nothing is really making me too happy. It doesn't help that I live alone in Flagstaff, and even when I did have roommates, they sucked. I don't know anyone, and the few I have met have just been more of a work sort of relationship.

There are only a few places that I feel comfortable anymore. I normally feel at home playing music, practicing and getting away from everything. The band really is my escape from the world. Same goes with concerts. Concerts are the only place that I really feel safe anymore. Doesn't help that I had to miss one I wanted to go to on Monday. Load of crap. I think that show would have helped me feel a little better. It did in Dec when I saw them. I think this one was/is needed more than that show was. It is just a get away, and it takes the edge off. What if my job is within the music industry, and that I am just wasting my time doing what I am doing. Whether it is a promoter, manager or whatever. Fuck, not even in a band, but just around all of it. I have gotten the Bad Religion treatment and people telling me, "don't break up, and you'll go far." Heard it multiple times.

I try to act like I know what I want to do. In all reality I am just a directionless kid. There aren't that many there to help, basically going it alone. Biggest fear is that I am on my way to having that shitty job for life. I think I just need to clear my head, and get things straightened out. I have no idea how to do that though, I need to stop getting pressure from people. Just let me do what I want for a while, let me see where that will take me. Cause at this rate I'm fearful that I will drag people down with me, and that is teh last thing I want to do.

Make it stop, let this end....

Because This Exists

I figure in the down time I should start writing random personal shit again. I have been thrown into a lot of public spot light recently and haven't really had a chance say what I want to. I should just keep quiet sometimes, however, that is not the case.

There is a lot that I want to say.

Yellow Journalism Much?

New political commentary blog is up, and running...

http://theliberalblogger90.blogspot.com/

I'll be posting the political stuff there, and try to keep this blog to a personal blog, an shit talking blog, just for you all to enjoy!

Ten Years Since Yesterday

Today, we look to the future, while we look the past in the eye. The worst thing we can do is forget. Sometimes our memory is the most precious thing we have, at the end of the day that is all we truly wind up as. Putting up a mental block and try to move on in this case will be something that will do one no good. Keeping these things in our mind, and in our hearts are the best we can do. Moving on and forgetting will do no justice to those who lost their lives.

On the morning of September 11, 2001 I was all of eleven years old. I was just a kid that really couldn't tell you anything about who Osama Bin Laden was, or what Al-Quadea was. I was a typical kid, played baseball, and obsessed with the sport. No real knowledge to anything going on around him. That morning I awoke into a very dark reality, and really became conscious of what was going on in the world. No kid at eleven years old should be so aware of the world around them. All of a sudden I was thrown into this mess, and now was living in fear because of what happened. I sit here as a 21 year old, and that fear that started that still lingers over my head.

My opinion on the event stands at this. Now that I have grown up, I feel more empathy for those who were killed. I am also angered that this happened. What it has made is disgusts me on so many levels. We fell into this state of fear, and never left, we started our own religious war on this country, racism is so strong, and the sad thing it is only on this day we seem to stand united. Ten years ago, the downfall of our country started. I hate saying that, but that is what is going on.

We stand ten years apart from this disaster, but as a country we stand the same distance apart. We let this one event change us in so many negative ways. The 2,977 people that lost their lives ten years ago today would be so angered to see what we have become. We should as Americans should not be this way.

I really don't know what to say. This has kind of left me frustrated looking back at this now.

Enough is Enough

"If you're not angry, you aren't paying attention."-Tim McIlrath of Rise Against

I have been paying attention to politics for the most part since I was 14, but have really started to form my opinion around when I was say 17, or 18, and it continues to evolve. I have some very staunch beliefs, some would be considered radical, but I believe that my radical stance is where we need to go. For the past decade the United States has been dragged right, many political charts will show that, and many will agree, and going further, and further right will not solve anything. Believe it or not, Christians, Jesus was a liberal, he was about helping the poor and needy, and not focusing on the rich. This country has been heading to a upper class rule since the Regan days.

To say there will be a revolution is nuts. I keep hoping for a revolution, but it never comes. It just never happens. A change is started with an idea, that idea has to catch fire and spread. This isn't something that happens over night. This idea that starts out as a tiny spark as someone speaking out will smolder for years until the time is right. This fire will not lead to a revolution, but a change collective ideas. Change the hearts, change the minds of the people. How to do this, you have to show the true downside of right wing politics, and what it can lead to. Totalitarianism, dictatorships, true dark ideas and government.

We are a country of 300 million people, we are a country of people that does not have a majority living lavishly, popular to world wide belief. We are all living on the fringe, most Americans live "comfortably," but that isn't saying much. There are more that live paycheck to paycheck and never really can live life to the fullest, they work 9-5 every day, and function of crappy amounts of sleep, and just live s discontented, but are lead to believe that this is okay. It shouldn't be this way. Our founding fathers would have a fit if they saw how we have gone so many miles backwards where a weird monarchy where the rich influence government so much that we the people really have no say.

Republicans and Democrats are both corrupt, but there is one side that is the lesser of the two evils. Now if the left would plant their feet firmly to the left, we would be a lot better. Here is what I believe in. We are all created equal, there is no one above anyone. Black, white, brown, yellow, purple, we are all the same. Same goes with religion, I have made myself somewhere on the line of agnostic, and atheist because I don't see proof for, or against the reality of god. So in other words, I don't care about if you are Jew, Arabic, Catholic, Christian, Buddhist, or whatever. We are all the same when you look at it. Same goes for gay rights. I don't care what you like, as Robin Williams said "at the end of the day with married couples it is always the same sex." So there.

One part that frustrates me more than anything is the fact these people, these "Tea Partiers," want to run the country on a Constitutional basis when they don't even follow it. They want smaller government, but then when it comes to women, and gay rights they believe that abortion should be illegal, and gay people should not be married. Before you even get out of the First Amendment these wackos can't keep to their beliefs. The only reason why they stand against those two issues is because it is said in the Bible that those are wrong, that breaks the separation of church and state. Need I say any more. The fact that they deny the existence of global warming when there is overwhelming evidence for it. It is disgusting.

This is just part one of a few posts I'm going to make like this. So there is more to come. I don't want to start half-assing what I have to say because I have said a lot so far.

Now We're All Gone

My mind is constantly running, sometimes I fear that that is a bad thing. I guess it is a good thing to be thinking. Although, sometimes these thoughts just don't make sense. They sometimes seem to escape me before I get the chance to verbalize what is going on in my mind, sometimes it is really interesting. That is kind of what happened earlier. I was thinking about something that I wanted to speak about, but it disappeared as fast as it came.

It went something like this. I think..

The misconception of what happens in a music scene. There are such things as dead scenes, and I was in a band that was trudging through a dead scene. This time I am in a band that has found the scene, and we are slowly, but surely becoming a name for ourselves. It may not be much, but it is starting to grow. It feels as if we are standing on thin ice, and about to break through. We're going to be heading into the studio in about 4 or 5 weeks to record this fucking record finally. I know I have said this before, but this time it is happening. Anyway... With this scene that I am starting to find, scattered yes, but unified strangely. Now there are some down things that I have come to notice, it is kind of weird.

Here is the anomaly. There are a few bands that get frequent radio play on a independent station KWSS often, now I am not saying that it is the stations fault, or problem, but they just happen to be the ones playing these bands. What is going on seems to be is that these bands have formed this weird friend circle, and are really stubborn to let new people in that are in bands, even if you show to be friendly, they shun you quickly. Now I will not name names, but I have noticed this over the past six weeks. It is very unsettling that bands are playing like this. They are non-factors competition wise in getting anywhere, but still. I have been trying to preach unity among the music scene out among the all the alt rock bands, whether it is punk or whatever. Then again the people in these bands are kind of snot nosed, and selfish, so I should need not worry about this. It is just something that pisses me off, especially when you try to make friends with people that are in bands.

I honestly want to get big some day, if you want to call me a sell out, whatever. Reason why, I want to make a difference on someones life that follows my music. I was some wrong way kid not too long ago with a misguided direction, then I really started getting into Rise Against, and bands like that, and it made a change on me. I want, someday, to have someone come up to me and say that my music, and me as a person changed their life because how I handled myself. That is all I want to get out of this, money is a non-factor. Now I know a few people reading this will think I am an asshole, and such, but those people don't honestly know me. I am an empathetic individual, I feel for other people, even though I normally don't say it. Sometimes I feel bad for people, then I realize that they got themselves into that problem. How I handle myself is a whole different story. I am humble, and that is what I want future fans to see me as, and not some ego inflated headed rock star. I laughed the other day when someone said that about my former band, I was like yeah, pretty much.

I should know more about the radio show in the next few days/weeks. Once again I am doing all kinds of media shit, just like high school all over again. If next semester goes to plan, I will start a political talk show like Keith Olbermann. It will be sick. Wow, ADD much, totally different subject from last paragraph. Anyways, that is enough for now.

Walking In The Footsteps

Word cannot begin to describe how much fun I had tonight at the Marquee Theater in Tempe. It has been something about three and a half years in the making and it finally happened tonight. To say it is the best show I have ever played with Riot Act is an understatement, it was the best show I have every played. In my four plus years playing shows, I have never had such an amazing gig that left me in awe after.

About three years ago I first heard of the Marquee Theater, a little behind I know, but it took me a while to settle into the music scene out here. The band I was in at the time was given a chance to play the Marquee, all we needed to do was sell 50 tickets and they would be more than happy. Our guitar player at the time said it was a bad decision and we didn't do it. That was the only shot I had at it. There were other events that fell into my lap, but were totally missed because they were about 4 months too late.

Anyway... From the stage the Marquee seems a lot smaller. It really does. Same thing with the stage. Certain angles it looks a lot smaller than what it really is. Don't get me wrong it is a big place, but it is one of those eyes are deceiving you kind of places. None the less I had a great time running around the stage and just having fun.

It wasn't just the place that has me in awe, but also during out set I noticed a few people singing along with our songs. It wasn't just our single "On Edge," but also our track "Last Fight" that I saw people singing along with. This is amazing. Something is going right when you start to see that. I can't wait to have a full record out, and people can learn all of the words. Then, that will be an interesting sight.

I have done a little research about the concert history of the Marquee, and there one show that caught my eye. In 2003, Anti-Flag headlining with Rise Against, and Against Me! as their support. Yeah, three of my favorite bands on one stage. I have played the same stage that Anti-Flag has played before, the Clubhouse, but never one with Rise Against, or Against Me! for that fact. Then I thought about it, who else has played here; Bad Religion, Bouncing Souls, Offspring, Street Dogs, just to name a glaring few. I got to walk in the footsteps of my idols tonight. I totally could feel their presents over me.

Now there is this, I just hope that we can go back there and play again some day. It is just a great place to play, and the sound was a whole lot better than what I expected. Awesome night!!!