Ghosts Or Just A Memory

It's funny about that that thought came back tonight. Every year around this time about what I think about. It is honestly a memory that comes, and goes. We are all entitled to a memory that does that, even if it is a bitter sweet memory. Something that we want to forget, but want to hold close to our heart.

It was three years ago Saturday that I met someone that would so subtly change my life. They way it changed is almost Inception like. Plant a simple thought, or idea and it grows like a disease. There were things so subtle that I did to then to wind up where I am today. There is a lot that she did that kind of shaped how I got to the end of the road.

There is always one thing on my mind about her. As I grow older, and those days just fade into oblivion of what is my memory, I think about her. Not just about what happened, but what happened to her. How her life turned out, how she made it along the way, all the ups, all the downs. Did she get where she wanted, or did she fall? I do wish the best, but I don't know. I think about that with all people in my past and how they have gone, she is just a good example of this thought process that I have. I've already seen how others lives have turned out, and they are total wrecks, and it has only been 3 years since I may have seen them. I guess it doesn't take long to go from having a decent living, to a walking train wreck. So many weird reasons why I make connection to Offspring songs, "chances blow, nothings free, long for, what used to be."

Looking back, there are so many things I would do differently now knowing smaller outcomes. I know if I did one thing her, another person may still have been a bigger factor in my life. Sad, sometimes I think my true opposite number (and I mean it in a good way) may never have known how much I actually felt. There is always one person like that. Three years make a big fucking diffidence. Just look at the politico blog I posted earlier.

This blog only chronicles a third of what has happened. There are so many blank pages that came before this. I wonder what they would have looked like. I'll never know. Certain memories are lost forever, only to be recovered by a faint scent, or a deja-vu happening. Gone. Keeping memories close are important. Sometimes they can help solve problems in your future, or be warnings. They help you move forward. Sometimes people just reside in your memory, and that is where they stay, forever, locked in your mind.