The more and more you start telling your self that the lie you are living is a reality, you really start to believe it. When the people around you know who you really are, and you have come to live that lie, who are you really? When you have a path that you are continuously taking is being made up every step of the way. The focus of the dream that you once had has lost its clarity, it is now just a blurry image of what it used to be. The lie you live, is now your reality, and there is no escaping it. A dream you can't wake up from, that at first seems like a good pleasant dream, will soon turn to a nightmare.
I've seen this way too much. People trying so hard to be something that they are not. I went through that phase, thankfully I found myself before I got too lost. I know who I am, even though a select few will offer dissent, but they don't really have much of a foundation to stand upon. I was lost I really was. I see how some people have gone too gar and they are drowning in the deep end and no one is helping them. Why, because they have burnt every bridge that they have ever made. When you talk behind everyone you care about's back, you have no spine, and you are in fact a coward.
I see now how people I used to associate myself with are trying so hard to be something that they are not. There is so much you can do, and try to lie about. I thought about the songs that we sung, and the lives we tried to sell as our own, and how stupid they really were. I wrote stuff that was based off of total crap, a lot like Joe Elliot when he write "Wasted" he said he had seen enough movies to know what it must be like at 17. I was the same way. Then most was based off of something that happened to me personally. Now we could try to go to an attitude we tried to sell, that of "badasses," no one believed it, and I could tell. No body in the band was in fact someone that you could call a "badass." We were just a bunch of wanna-be's, and going the route of never-was's.
A picture came to me today, and I wouldn't help but laugh. When you lead with your chin, you might as well put up a banner up and say, "yes, we are trying this hard to pass off a product we are not." It goes simply to say I see what poseurs really look like. I've only read about them. I hate to tell them that the 80's rock thing died somewhere in 1990, and the little revival it had came and went, and never took off. If they try and go metal, I noticed something really funny about that. There isn't a scene out here for a classic metal kind of thing, that died too. Lets not nostalgia, lets be more original, and try to make something new with the pieces we are given, not try to live in the footsteps of someone that already did it.
What people have to understand, now that I know for sure that I am moving to Flagstaff, the band would have ended in Dec anyways. I have contacted, and met up with a guitar player, and we seem to have the right stuff together, but I am concerned with starting a new group in Phoenix before I move. I don't want to get into something too serious. I would have left, and said the same thing, cease and desist with the name, and the lyrics. It would have been that simple. For now, I can just sit on the sidelines and laugh, and watch the train wreck.
Give me a scene where honesty and emotion are applauded, and not laughed at. What Phoenix has been is a scene based off of who can sell the biggest lie, and who can make up the lamest story to make them seem bigger than what they really are. There is a reason why this city will never have a music scene that will flourish, we are always following too.
That's all for now. Keep reading from your dimly lit room, and keep telling your self you are bigger. You are not.-SS
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