I have been really neglecting my blog lately, and well. I finally have some reason to write. I forgot to write about the Bad Religion concert last week, and don't feel like going back to talk about just cause. Or maybe I will, I don't know.
I just have a lot of worry in my heart.
As I sit patiently waiting for a letter from NAU to tell me my fate, whether I got into the university or not. I am honestly scared of that letter. I want it to reach me, but at the same time I feel like it is better that I do not know. I know I am moving to Flagstaff in January no matter what the outcome is, but I feel going up there to go to a community college is a step sideways, and a half step back. Why? My experience at community college has been a horrible one. The nagging pressure of trying to get accepted into a university, while feeling pressure from the community college. I rather feel pressure from the university to survive there, than try to survive on both levels.
When I went up to Flagstaff last week I had a vague idea about what I wanted to do. It was a cross from sitting it out until the start hiring firefighters again and lurk on the college level, or throw darts in the dark at a major. That weekend changed my mind. I know exactly what I want to do, and where I need to go. Another semester at a community college will, I believe, hurt me, and hinder me in getting where I want to go. Like I have said before, it has hurt more than it has helped. PVCC has been crappy with advising and helping me. I went for help about 18 months ago, and they only screwed me up, and got me all spun around. About a year ago I finally spoke to someone and they helped me out. It only took three semesters to figure something out.
If I could speak to the admissions at NAU, and plead a case I would tell them this:
I have been a student toiling around the community college level for the past two plus years, and it has not helped me out at all. I have tried options to get me somewhere, but those paths they gave me only led me no where. Recently I came up to NAU to check out something for a concert me and a friend were planning and got a brief tour around the campus and fell in love with it. Then I decided to try to get to NAU. Now this is the end of 2009, and I had a very rough end of 2009. I was in the hospital for a few days, and was diagnosed with Mutiple Sclerosis, and haven't let it change my life in drastic ways since. Then with the turning of the year, I re-took a placement test that I thought I flunked after high school, but had only missed by three points, I retook and scored very well on. I then went on to figure out what I needed to do to get to NAU.
Not only was I having trouble figuring out what to do, I was in a band that was skewing my mind and detracting me from what I really wanted to do. This past summer I cleaned up my act. I ditched my band full of losers, and righted my life and got on track. This past semester I figured out what I needed to take to achieve my goal, and have been chasing after it since then. I have made poor decisions in my class choice when I first got into college, I wanted to go into music business, but the instructor and I never saw eye to eye on what was going on the curriculum, and there was Macro-Economics which I honestly did not get, and one class that I took in 2009 that I missed too much time to be able to recover from.
These past two semesters I have figured out what I need to do, and I have gotten things on track. I hope that my past mistake will not effect my future in trying get into a university. Everyone is allowed a second chance, and I believe I have been getting that the past 13 months or so.
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That's something I would say, even though I don't believe it would help.
Until I get that letter, I will wait in anxiety, and hope.-SS
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